City of Witches Chapter 124

Leaving the cabin, exiting the birch forest, and taking the field path heading east.

Walking along that path for about thirty minutes brings you to a low hill.

The hill, gentle enough to sit on without getting out of breath, is densely covered with clusters of wild barley, vibrant green shoots that have pushed through the late winter.

The barley, untamed by human hands and stretching freely in its natural form, boasts leaves of a vital jade color, turning their heads this way and that with the wind.

Leaning against a nameless tree planted in the center of the hill, Amelia and Siwoo each set up their easels.

They began to paint, securing a wooden board behind the easel to prevent the paper from flying away in the breeze.

Amelia quietly drew lines, capturing the landscape before her onto the canvas.

There were many places near the cabin suitable for landscape painting, but Amelia's favorite spot was this barley hill.

Yet, despite this delightful picnic with Siwoo, Amelia kept putting down and picking up her pencil, fidgeting restlessly.

It was because Siwoo, unusually quiet today, was just staring blankly at his drawing paper with a dazed expression.

"Siwoo."

"........."

"Siwoo."

"...Yes, Lady Amelia."

Even when Amelia called, he did not meet her eyes.

The tip of his pencil, which he was shaking absentmindedly, was merely scratching meaningless lines on the white paper.

Amelia was no fool.

She could well guess his condition and the current situation.

"Are you hungry? Well, you didn't eat breakfast."

"It's fine."

But the moment the words left her mouth.

The moment she spoke to him, she was forcing herself to pretend not to know, fearing that the sweet dream would shatter into pieces without any chance otherwise.

"I packed lots of salmon today, the kind you like."

"Really, it's fine. I have no appetite."

Amelia bit her lower lip hard.

The duet of anxiety and unease translated into an uncomfortably fast heartbeat.

She spoke to him again in her most normal voice—the same tone she used when talking to Siwoo while living together in the cabin.

"Siwoo, I told you before. When holding the pencil, use your fingertips.... Ah!"

Amelia's arm, which had reached out to grasp the back of Siwoo's hand to correct his pencil grip, was violently flung away.

Amelia, thrown back by Siwoo's fierce resistance, stood there dumbfounded.

She couldn't process in her head what had just happened.

"I'm sorry, did you... get angry because I suddenly grabbed your hand? Is it because of yesterday...?"

Siwoo's hand holding the pencil trembled slightly as he continued not to look at Amelia.

She, as if nothing had happened, started chattering about various topics again.

"It's understandable if you're upset. I think I was too rash too... I'm reflecting on it. I'm sorry... so please, don't be angry..."

"........."

"Or... are you really feeling unwell somewhere? Should we go back and rest together?"

As if doing this would make it all go away.

As if the day of catastrophe she so desperately wanted to postpone would never come.

She closes her eyes tightly and pretends not to know.

Siwoo's gaze finally turned toward Amelia.

Amelia thought his eyes looked like supercooled water.

Imagining that while they now calmly rippled, the slightest shock would make them freeze over like snowflakes.

Amelia bites her lip, stifles a sob, and continues speaking.

She looked at him with a sorrowful smile.

"Today... when we get home, let's have tea together. Milk tea with scones, wouldn't that be nice? I bought butter from Taro Town the other day."

Holding onto a futile hope that would vanish like a bubble.

"Then, we can read books until evening... and study Magic together, the kind you like. After having dinner together, how about stargazing? Lying on the roof to look at them... you liked that too."

She speaks of a happy today that will likely never come.

"Let's sleep together for the first time in a while. Now that you've grown so much, the bed might be a bit narrow, but I'll scoot over. And then, and then...."

And then what should we do?

What comes after that?

Drop by drop.

Even as tears began to flow, ruining the area around Amelia's eyes, there was no change in Siwoo's expression.

"I know... I already know..."

The Siwoo who would run over with concern if Amelia showed even a hint of fluster was no longer here.

The Siwoo who would comfort her tenderly when she cried was no longer here.

"You've... come back. Completely."

"Yes, Associate Professor Amelia Marigold."

The terribly selfish dream of spring had also ended.

Amelia slumped to the ground.

Siwoo looked down at her.

It felt like his heart was being torn apart.

The very fact that Amelia, more precious to him than anyone, was crying because of his cold actions was suffocating.

He wanted to kneel down right then, hug her, and comfort her.

He wanted to hold her small body in his arms, stroke her head, and whisper that it's okay, it's okay.

Because Amelia had done that for him.

Because Amelia had indulged the young Siwoo's whims, shown him beautiful and simple happiness, always made Siwoo smile, and made his heart flutter.

Therefore.

It was all the more unforgivable.

Within the tangled, messy memories, Amelia was

Smiling.

And sneering.

Within the muddled, turbid swirl of emotions, Siwoo was

Loving.

And hating.

"Why did you do it?"

"Ugh... ugh... sob...."

Amelia tried to say something, but each attempt was buried and swept away by tears and sobs.

Siwoo habitually reached for a cigarette.

But there was no cigarette.

Siwoo irritably brushed off his collar.

He confesses in a voice forced to sound relieved.

"Just as you said, Associate Professor. My memories have all returned. When I woke up at dawn, I remembered everything, everything."

Siwoo grabbed Amelia's arm and pulled.

Amelia, like a doll with its strings cut, rose unsteadily, weakly led by his hand.

"I thought about what to do. Do you know how it feels when the person you loved and respected most in the world suddenly, in a single day, becomes the person you truly dislike and hate?"

If only.

He hadn't lost his memories.

If only.

Amelia hadn't been kind to him.

If only.

She had remained the hateful Amelia.

If only.If I hadn't come to like her.

At least I wouldn't be feeling this intense sense of betrayal.

If I hadn't felt that heart-melting pain upon seeing her face contorted in agony as I pressured Amelia.

I would have hated her a little less than this.

"I agonized over it. Could I just let it pass? Could I forget everything that happened before like this? Or this damn feeling, this nauseating confusion, this betrayal... How can I really make you pay it back? Can I make you repay the feelings I felt a hundredfold, a thousandfold? I agonized and agonized over it."

I couldn't understand Amelia's intentions.

Why she suddenly started being kind to Siwoo, who had lost his memories and become like a child.

I couldn't grasp at all what purpose she had in doing such a thing.

I wanted to pay her back.

This betrayal that makes my teeth chatter,

This sense of loss from the person I trusted most suddenly transforming overnight into the person I hated most in this city.

I wanted her to share in this feeling of being thrown into empty space.

"But that doesn't seem right. I can't go that far."

But I can't.

I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Siwoo's right eye, which had been flowing with icy blue coldness, becomes bloodshot.

Staggering, he grabbed the barely standing Amelia and spoke.

"So, convince me. Why, why, why. Why did it have to be me who had to suffer that bullshit. Why did you have to pretend to be kind so late, messing with people, messing with people's feelings so arbitrarily, and because of that, why do I have to be this confused? Tell me the reason."

"Siwoo...."

"Let go of this!"

Amelia's pitifully outstretched hand falls helplessly onto Siwoo's arm.

Not from pain, but from fear that Siwoo, of all people, was pouring out such fierce eyes, desperate resentment, and disgust, Amelia froze blankly.

"Do you think I still don't remember anything?"

"Siwoo, Siwoo... I'll, I'll explain everything... Don't be angry..."

Why does Amelia's appearance, trembling in fear, look so detestable?

She wasn't like this before.

She always looked at Siwoo with a cold face, a stern gaze, and without a shred of mercy, burdened him with harsh tasks.

Everything seemed like pretense.

Whatever the truth was, even if she had changed due to the experience of nearly losing a useful assistant.

Siwoo couldn't understand.

The two images simply wouldn't merge in his mind.

A slave must not climb over a Witch.

Speaking down to the 22nd Hierarchy Amelia and picking an emotional fight is like walking on a blade's edge.

But Siwoo didn't care.

Compared to the anger and betrayal he felt now, the weight of his life was less than a single feather.

Amelia staggered over and clung to Siwoo.

Forcing her way into his tightly closed, unresponsive elbows, she forcibly hugged his torso.

"I'm sorry... Siwoo, I was wrong... All the tormenting until now, taking my frustrations out on you, making you work overtime... Making you live in the stable for five years... It's all my fault... I'll do anything to be forgiven... Please, please...."

Amelia's apology, mixed with sobs, was almost incomprehensible.

Yet it pierced his ears as precisely as an awl.

But Siwoo's heart didn't settle at all.

It only served to reconfirm that her torment in his memories was childish behavior.

All he felt was the stark realization that it was truly like that.

"Tell me why. Just tell me why you tormented me. That's all I want to hear."

Amelia looked at Siwoo.

Siwoo looked at Amelia.

"Because I love... you, Siwoo."

Amelia poured out the words she had wanted to say all along.

The words she couldn't convey to him.

"It was only after I almost lost you... that I could acknowledge my feelings... I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Siwoo felt all his strength drain away.

Not because the reason was less significant than he thought.

Because of just that reason, because of just that shallow circumstance.

Even the image of her tenderly caring for the childlike Siwoo becomes covered by the thought that it was merely her own desire.

In the end, it was selfishness from start to finish.

Amelia was selfish from start to finish.

"If you hate me that much... I'll live in the stable from now on too... You can use me like a slave until your feelings subside... You can torment me... So please, please forgive me..."

"Lady Amelia."

At Siwoo's slightly moderated voice, Amelia held a sliver of hope and cautiously looked up at him.

And the moment her eyes met his, she realized how futile that hope was.

"You asked if I could forgive you even after I regained my memories, right?"

It's cowardly.

If she had thought for even a minute, no, even a second, about what feelings Siwoo would harbor toward her after regaining his memories, what despair he would sink into.

She shouldn't have said that.

Never.

That much was unforgivable.

"Let's stop now. I'll forgive you."

Amelia read in his eyes.

Deep resignation and disillusionment.

"Please, don't, say that."

She felt every thread connecting her and Siwoo snapping one by one.

"What? I forgave you. Your wish came true, Lady Amelia."

Amelia stumbled backward and finally collapsed onto the floor.

"I destroyed the slave certificate too. So I'm not your personal slave anymore. But since you're a Baroness, I'll show you the utmost respect."

Siwoo's final, sharply honed words severed all the remaining threads.

"The Siwoo you loved is dead. No, he never existed in the first place."

Amelia, her eyes blurred as if even the strength to shed tears had vanished, awaited his final verdict.

"The Siwoo who loved you is dead too. It's the same with this."

Siwoo, with a bitter smile, folded the drawing paper and gathered his easel.

Amelia couldn't possibly hold onto Siwoo's retreating figure as he walked away step by step.

"Oh, right. I must say this."

Siwoo suddenly stopped.

Before Amelia could even harbor hope, the final words fell.

"You are truly, horrifyingly selfish."

Author's Note (Afterword)

Love that is easily obtained seems to be just as light.

If you enjoyed it, please give a recommendation!